I work with a lady who has had several affairs with various men. She's awful. She doesn't tell me. I hear it from her best friend. I know her husband and he's not the cheating kind at all. They have 3 kids. What kills me is that she thinks it's funny he is so clueless. He is. Some of the people she has slept with are his own friends. No...I'm not one of them. I think if he ever finds out it will hurt him to find out what a fraud she really is. And I'm sure she will cry and maybe even blame him for it.
My wife had an affair that lasted 3 months. By the third month she had slept with her lover more than 10 times. She confessed after I confronted her with information I had gathered from her lover. I was devastated but the first thought that came to my mind was forgiveness. I loved her deeply. However, the pain never went away and have stayed with me since. I had decided to give the marriage a second chance and she had since then tried her best to repent her ways and mend the relationship.
But a year has passed and not a day goes by without memories of the relationship comes to hurt and grieves me. I have tried to erase all thoughts but to this day, I fail to forget. Some days are OK but some days it gets pretty bad. I have managed to hide my pain after hearing her confessions. I have since, tried to get her to tell me more as the need to know seems so important to me. But she just won't let up or tell because she thinks its over, so why bring up the past when I have accepted her back? I am still in pain. I have read almost all the articles on the Net on this. I have tried so many ways to forget. It's really crazy. And so true, you can forgive, but you can't forget.
Like many stories I've read, I started to get a gut feeling that something wasn't right. She had always been unaffectionate, but now it seemed she was more distant and uncaring. I was poking around in the temporary internet files and was opening them in notepad. That's when I found a message from the guy she was in contact with. The sickening feeling that came over me is beyond words. I should have waited and collected more evidence, but I was devastated and confronted her immediately. I got the "it's only fantasy" excuse crap.
Then she has the nerve to get angry at her for violating her privacy! Can you believe that! I became very depressed after that, being betrayed, lied to, but most of all because I wasn't first in her life. The feelings of rejection are overwhelming. Here I was, thinking I'm a good husband, faithful to her and concerned with the lives of our three kids - and here she is, who thinks so little of me. Talk about someone who has no sense of right and wrong. Anyway, I got over it and thought everything was back to normal. I was so wrong! I was looking for a cigarette in her purse when I found a cell phone. This time I didn't say anything.
I created an online account for the phone and the password was sent to the phone, which I wrote down. Then I went into the phone logs online and found out she and this guy were calling each other on a regular basis, even after I thought the online stuff was over. I confronted her about this and she put up attitude like it was wrong for me to snoop. If it was "only fantasy" then why was she calling him? What a stinking liar. I thought we cleared this up again but then I found out she called him the minute we got back from vacation. The online stuff was never over either.
I installed internet monitoring software on our computer and found the e-mails were still going back and forth, even after I thought this was all in the past and we had been getting along. To me that was it. I left. I was devastated and humiliated and afraid of the future. I'd be divorced and alone. Away from my kids. The kids would be devastated. Going through the divorce process. Explaining it once it became public. We are now in counseling and but I am indifferent to her. I don't trust her. I wish I had never met her. A liar that treated me like nothing. If we never had kids I would be gone. Don't be foolish and try to win over your spouse. Don't think that loving your spouse will make them love you. Don't give yourself to someone who doesn't give back, the disappointment will be ten times worse.
My wife and I have been together for 8 years. A few months ago I started getting that weird feeling that something wasn't quite right. At first I just ignored it because I didn't want to face that possibility, my trust in her had always been total. But after another week there were just too many signs and finally I told her that I knew she was screwing around. She broke down and told me everything. After a day or two we talked and decided we would try to work things out because we still love each other and have 2 young children. I told her I would trust her again but she would need to reassure me. And I did trust her to a point, I installed key logger software and got the password to her email account and changed her settings so it would keep a copy of every email she sent. After a few weeks of swearing that she had had no more contact and that she was trying to work things out with me she had a class to go to one night. I logged on and checked her email and found one with the subject line "I LOVE YOU".
It was a very graphic email about how much she loved this guy and then a more graphic description of what she enjoyed about their sexual relationship. I took all of her clothes, makeup, shoes and jewelry and tossed them out in the driveway in the rain and called her cell phone and left her a message to come get her stuff because it was getting ruined out in the rain. I then went back to the computer and read the email again. I realized that it sounded like she had finally found true love. It occurred to me that true love is something she should want to share with everyone. So I forwarded the email to everyone in her address book; her mom & dad, her boss, all her coworkers, aunts & uncles & cousins. I told her later I did her a favor because now she wouldn't have to explain to everyone why she was getting a divorce.
Wow. I had heard "on the street" a couple of years ago about "the guy whose wife left her family and took off to Ireland or someplace for a guy she met online". I just saw your website for the first time today. Though my wifes infidelity wasn't as "odd" as yours.....I DO understand (we had 3 small children at the time). My wife had an affair at work....and filed for divorce 5 or 6 months later. After telling me about a divorce in a "dear john" letter". I stayed at "our house" for 3 weeks.....I also went to Radio Shack and bought a voice activated tape recorder and secretly hooked it up to the telephone lines. The day I finally found the tape of her and her lover. It ripped my heart out.....
I sat there listening and was gasping for breath. so I DO understand!!! Oh well....divorced now for 6 years. But!!!!...2 1/2 years after my divorce I met a girl on the "net" ....turns out she was married (she never told me), (but divorced after we met without my knowledge)..and she was Biploar manic depressive to boot. You ever thought about the possibility of your wife having some type of "hidden mental illness"...? To make a long story short.....I totally agree with you....and now people are starting to understand. I have always said...."the internet will break-up ALOT of marriages
After 24 years of marriage my wife told me one day that she was moving out. I said go ahead. She said ok. Then a week later she came to me and said "I'm not moving out, you move out". That is when it all got complicated. I finally filed for divorce and now am divorced. In this case it was alcohol that she loved more than me. She has since sobered up and want to go back. I am the most confused person in the world. I still live alone while I pay for the house she lives in.
I am 52 yrs old...and would have been married 30 years this past april 24th my ex left me jan 10th...she met a guy online from NY city...and is still with him there. after i found out i was hurt, angry, and all of the other emotions that come in to play when you know that someone you love very much has torn the very life and breath out of your very being. what is it with the internet? has the world gone mad? i am now doing much better thank you and have found another lady that is so much different than my ex. thank God for real people. yes folks there is hope for a better life...just believe in yourself and things will get better. thank you GODAbout 2 years ago I found out about my wife's chat room affairs. She kept a 9 page document on disc, which
I discovered one night by accident. All the excuses came out - it was a fantasy - I was lonely - it has done our sex life good - I was depressed, and so on and so on. We had been married for 12 years and had a 7 year old son at the time. I very nearly divorced her - only our son prevented me from doing this. I still don't trust or respect her (I keep on thinking what a slut she is), even after all this time. Anyone else had this experience? Does the trust and respect ever come back?
My wife just out of the blue changed from a 32 year old mother and spouse, to a hormone-raging 18 year old. Not only does she continue to have an affair, she has totally abandoned our 10 year old son. She spends about 5 minutes a week with him! I did everything a good husband/father is supposed to do, but in return I got only hate and deception.
It sure is good to see a site like this up and running. This internet cheating problem is really getting out of hand. I have heard other stories of spouses being caught flat-footed (mostly men, it seems), but they are second-hand stories. My own started on Dec 26th, 1999. My then wife suddenly asked me to move to my parent's place for a week so she could "think". On Jan 1, 2000, she announced that she wanted a divorce. No counseling, no chance, just divorce. Over the next few months, I found that she had been in contact with several guys from England to the eastern USA and even some locally. She withdrew to the PC big time and even shirked many motherly duties. I got lucky compared to most guys, in particular. The kids (3) are with me and she is in the southern USA, remarried (to the 3rd guy she was with in less than a year). I guess, in a way, I came out very lucky. But it has been hard on the kids at times (especially my teenaged daughter). I do my best and she does talk to her Mum sometimes by phone or email. So does my youngest. (He was only 8 when all this hit the fan.) My oldest boy is very angry still. He talks to her very seldom. So, there you go. Another story out of many.
Last year my wife bought me one of those Online games that you make a simulated person and have them make a life for themselves. This game as it turned out quickly became one of HER favorite hobbies. So she opened an account for herself too. We had lots of fun interacting with each other online... The game is played with other real life people all over the world. In the game there is a IM ability. Making it possible to have one on one conversations. About two months ago my wife decided to make another Simulated person for another city in the game.
She started staying up late playing the game all the time. Most times until 2-3am and get up for work by 6am. I was concerned and curious. I made a simulated person to go into that city to see why it was such a good city. What I found broke my heart. My wife and some other guy had made a home with each other and expressed there true love for one another in the profiles. I asked my wife what is going on he said "its only a game". I told her that the comments made me feel more than a little uncomfortable. It was around this time that she started telling me I was "always up her butt" and "she needs time to herself to play". She would get very upset if I was to visit her Simulated house. It was around this time that she also told me that she didn't she was in love with me anymore. MY HEART NEARLY STOPPED. My wife had been having an online affair with someone from the game. It turned out that they had been communicating via email and cell phone. I was assured of this when I checked her cell phone messages. There is not much more that hurts then to hear "I love you" on a message to your wife form someone else. My wife eventually told me what was going on. We sat and held each other for hours crying and kissing. She did not know how she could have let this happen. She since stopped all communication with the other guy. She has since been heartbroken by the whole thing and still does not know if she loves me.
We have made love since then and it is incredible for me and for her. I can still see love in her eyes but she says she is still very confused. We have both been married before and have four kids. I love my wife dearly. I truly feel she is my soul mate. She once felt this way about me but something changed in her. All of this has just come to surface over the Christmas season. I feel I am at my weakest moment I have been in for the past 15 years (that is when my first wife was having affairs, yes affairs") My heart is broken and I find it hard to breath at times. The one that I love has given her love to someone online. If anyone has any words of wisdom or comments please share them. My words of wisdom would be this... The online games are not "just games". If your spouse is playing them more then they are talking to you THERE IS A PROBLEM and you should talk to them about it immediately.
To all of my friends at chatcheaters.com. As the new year begins, I just wanted to pass on a big "thank you and keep up the good work" message. Your website was a true Godsend to me this year. It helped me in noticing the signs of infidelity, as well as helping me to relate to those who have also been deceived by their spouses. Nobody could possibly understand the pain and devastation that one feels when they are cheated on. I would rather get into a fist-fight than be cheated on by someone who means the world to me...its the pain that comes unexpectedly that you can't brace for that hurts the worst. Back on Mothers Day weekend is when I became suspicious of my (ex)wife's on-line activity after I dropped her kids off at a late-night movie. I then researched the subject of infidelity in the library as well as on the internet.
That's when I came upon your website. I printed out the chart showing the signs of infidelity and it was all there, starting with the quick click-off. Nine days later, I found the "smoking gun", when I found our phone bill hidden inside of her purse. I submitted my story in August or September, and you posted it on the narrow right-hand column of your page during the fall. I'm very flattered that the closing statement of my story still remains anonymously on that column. (The truth hurts, but its best that you know)... At this time, I lived with my wife and her kids in a house that we purchased together, in Plymouth, Indiana...120 north of Indianapolis, the major midwestern city mentioned in my story. I have returned to South Bend, IN, where I have worked for 24 years, and now I live closer to my two teenage boys from my first marriage.
Since the end of the marriage this year, I've made a few new acquaintances, but more importantly, I've re-dedicated myself to the family and friends that I already have. My life is coming back together nicely. Even my golf game is improving. My love-life is pretty much non-existant, but I'm not a lonely person by any means. News flash: There's more to life than sex! I got together with my former stepchildren at Christmastime at their father's home, and they still respect me, and they understand why I left their mother. Her life has become an absolute train wreck. She's become completely consumed by her on-line world on the World-Wide-Weeja*board.(That's what I referred to as the "www" of any kind of on-line chat). She has been kicked off the internet repeatedly at her job, became insubordinate, and eventually terminated. Now she'll lose her home, as well as the respect of her kids. Her 18 year-old daughter refers to her as "my mom, the internet whore".
I also understand that what I discovered back in May was only the tip of the iceberg. I know that there are a lot of honorable, trustworthy available women out there, a lot even in my community, but after two broken marriages, I don't think that I could ever trust again. If I hook-up with the most honest woman in the world, I would still fear the worst. Not only that, but I've already owned two computers, and I can't ever see myself purchasing another. I let her have the one she cheated with, and the older one broke down years ago. Fortunately, my brother allowed me to use his in order to submit this. Thank you, and God bless all of you.
My wife was criticizing and aloof though she still loves me. She wants to take separate vacations. She spends extra time at work with her male coworker. She wants me to allow her to flirt more & wants me to "flirt more". I'm so hurt that I am "not myself". She vehemently denies having another affair. I happen across e-mails that are explicit not just in "wants" but "dids". I have more but this hurts and p---es me off too much. Yes we have kids. and have been married since 90.